I suppose I am alienating myself even more from men by writing this but i was never very good at playing 'dumb blonde'...AND as my grandfather used to say"anyone can bend down and pick up s**t!"
I tried different ways of getting married within what is considered halal, getting married quick not even meeting parents,because brothers use the haddith "there are three thigns you shouldnt delay, maariage, prayer ad burying a dead body", this haddith needs explanation.
I marryied someone i didn't fancy because I had been on my own for three years and was financially sailing abit close too the wind(maybe that was Shatan whispering )and I thought I shouldn't be superficial not knowing that facial feeatures are mentioned in haddith ,that there should be some sort of physical attraction, something that ugly brothers try to manipulate, may allah help them and us too ameeen.
I marryied some one I fancied and my lust made me ignore his abusive behaviour before marraige and I allowed myself to be fooled by his thobe and beard .
So now after Islamic counselling I am taking my time and sitting on my throne and loving and respecting myself, even though the many brothers maashallah I reject try to knock me down and harass me , some even telling that I should know my place.... and where would that be brother ??? under your thumb and maybe in your case under your foot or locked in your wardrobe?
the following is an extract from an article on zawaj.com
http://www.zawaj.com/american-muslim-women-complain-of-lack-of-good-suitors/
A Few Good Men: American Muslim women bemoan lack of “good” male suitors
Afaf*, 25, has been searching for a husband for a solid two years to no avail.“All my friends were getting married by the age of 22, so, naturally, I wanted to be part of the “wedding club,” she recalls. “And, of course, there was this romantic notion that it would be the love story of love stories.”
Afaf started feeling the pressure as her friends talked endlessly about wedding dresses, halal caterers and honeymoons, even though she had not been planning on getting married while in college.
“For whatever reason, getting married seemed to be the only, if not main, goal they strived for,” she says. “So, I felt I had to have this goal as well, and felt lacking among my friends that I was not married upon completion of my undergraduate studies.”
Thus began her search after graduating from college. When suitors came knocking, Afaf was surprised at the mediocrity of the suitors available and was left wondering, “Where are all the ‘good guys’?”
Afaf, now a first-year law student, is one of thousands of American Muslim women between the ages of 25 and 30 struggling to find a decent suitor. Educated, pious, beautiful and accomplished, these women should have a gaggle of like-minded men waiting outside their doors. Unfortunately, the few, if any, men who approach these women appear less than satisfactory."
Too many brothers try hard at developing that "out side of the house" character, you kow the one that goes to the masjid and strokes the beard while quoting quran and sunnah.They neglect the most important part of their character becasue they forget that Allah is the All Hearing and All Seeing Allah who sees and hears how these brothers treat their wives and children at home.
I propose that when parents become more concious of their lack of islam at home in particular in their treatement of the wife then our genral conditon as Mulsim will improve inshallah, as the Prophet of Allah salah al alahi wa salem said in his last speech" The best of you is the best to their wives and I am the best to my wives".
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